Your first time at a social: how to feel at home quickly

You have had a few classes and someone says: "Are you coming to the social on Saturday?" You would like to, but you are also dreading it a little. You hardly know anyone there, you only know a few figures and you don't know how it works.

Almost everyone feels that the first time. You can read what a social actually is in what is a social. This article is about how to feel at home there quickly.

Is it normal to be nervous the first time?

Yes. The first time is nerve-racking, and that passes.

You stand at the edge of the floor, everyone seems to know each other and it looks as if everyone else dances much better than you. After a few visits you are part of it. You recognise faces, people recognise you, and then it happens by itself. People enjoy helping you dance and ask you to dance. What feels like a hurdle the first time feels like your regular night out a few weeks later.

How can you tell you are in a good place?

At a good school you notice quickly at a social whether it is about dancing together and having fun.

You get asked to dance, also as a beginner. People who have been dancing longer adapt to your level. The teachers dance too and talk to newcomers. If you notice that it is mainly about showing off, and that beginners are left standing at the side, that tells you something about that school as well. See also how do you choose a good dance school.

How do you ask someone to dance?

Walk up to someone, make eye contact and ask: "Would you like to dance?" You don't have to wait to be asked.

Holding out your hand works too. At a social everyone asks everyone. A few things that help:

• Ask between songs. Then the other person isn't in the middle of a dance or a conversation.
• Say that you have just started. It takes the pressure off, for you and your partner.
• Stick to what you know. The basic step and a few figures are enough for a good dance.
• Say thank you after the song. A "thank you" and a smile, and you go your separate ways.

What do you do if someone says no?

Don't let it put you off, and ask someone else. A no is usually nothing personal.

The other person is tired, has just danced three songs in a row, is waiting for a friend or simply doesn't like this song. And remember that you can say no too, without giving a reason. That always applies, also to someone who has asked you before. More on this in boundaries and safety on the dance floor.

Can you ask someone who dances much better than you as a beginner?

Yes. People who have been dancing longer often enjoy helping you dance.

Stick to the basics and the figures you know. A good dancer adapts to your level, and that kind of dance often teaches you a lot.

What do you bring to your first social?

Deodorant, fresh clothes that breathe, and a bit of courage. Don't overthink it.

Dance shoes are a good idea if you have them. A bottle of water and perhaps a spare shirt won't hurt either.

How do you make the first time easier?

Go with someone from your class, don't arrive last, and above all come back.

• Go with someone from your class. Then you have a first dance partner straight away, and someone to talk to between dances.
• Don't arrive last. The floor is usually quieter at the start of the evening.
• It is fine to just watch. You can stand at the side for a few songs and watch. You learn from it, and people see that you are there.
• Dance with different people. You learn something different from every partner.
• Come back. The second and third time are easier than the first. That is where the difference lies.

After how many classes can you go to a social?

As soon as you know the basics a little. You don't have to wait until you feel confident.

You gain that confidence on the dance floor. In class you learn the steps; at a social you learn to dance.

Where can you find a social near you?

On Baila Discover you can find schools by town and style; many of them also organise socials. Have a look at salsa in Utrecht, salsa in The Hague, kizomba classes or dance schools in Eindhoven. If you are completely new, read your first dance class first.